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Finding "The One" by Dinna Alexanyan, MFT

Dear Miss Dinna, I am a social woman, considered attractive and intelligent. I am a great cook and make a great friend. I indulge in lots of different types of activities and events. Why am I not finding my Mr. Right...

Mr. RightDear Miss Dinna,

I am a social woman, considered attractive and intelligent.  I am a great cook and make a great friend.  I indulge in lots of different types of activities and events. Why am I not finding my Mr. Right...?   Inquiring minds would like to know!!




There's a great book called "Leveraging the Universe" that talks about manifesting your greatest dreams. One of the exercises is that you write a paragraph on a goal as if it already is, set in the present, so that you clarify exactly what you want for yourself.

You then draw a triangle and split the triangle in two, long ways, and on one side you write a list of things you should do, on a concrete level, to achieve this goal (eg if it's a dream job — research the job, apply for similar positions, train under someone who has that job etc.).

On the other side, you list the things you would like the universe to assist you with (eg; put me in places where I am more likely to meet the right people, bring clear ideas to my mind, fill me with positivity etc.).

What most people find is that it is much easier to fill these pages and follow through when it comes to concrete, non relationship or emotionally oriented goals, such as manifesting the dream job versus finding Mr. Right.

Emotional goals have a fantasy quality that surrounds them, and we often just want them to "happen" to us with out any work put in…..somehow that feels more organic and flowery!

Ask yourself XXXX, when you decide that you are going to get your Masters in a certain field, do you expect to just dream about it, affirm for yourself that you are intelligent and qualified, and then sit and wait?

No, you put in the work, you spend the 6-8 years working for that Masters... that's what you do.

If meeting a special someone is important to you, then you have to devote as much energy and time to it as you do to any of your other goals. How does that translate on a concrete level? Work on yourself, your health, your fitness, your mind your soul, like you are getting ready for the race of your life.

Get on multiple dating sites, go on multiple dates, interview, interview, interview. As the Kabbalah states: as a woman, you are the vessel and he is the light that pours into you….BUT the light cannot exist without a clean, beautiful, strong vessel to hold it in….therefore in some sense, you as a woman are both.

You are also the CEO of this company, and you set the rules and the standards so make sure you hold your standards high, but in equal perspective when "interviewing".

Anything that you set your mind to will be if you truly want it to be. Give it time, energy and commitment, and HE will surely come (or maybe even more then one HE).

You better TWIRT LIGHT!

Miss Dinna

On Tuesday May 13th, 2014 come join Miss Dinna in hosting her quarterly national dance showcase — the infamous LOVE IS LOVE at the Highline Ballroom 431 W16th St. Between 9th and 10th ave. Doors are at 9 p.m. show at 10 p.m.   Watch

Ask Miss Dinna a question — any question—  regarding relationships, sex and sexuality by emailing her at:, Subject: "Ask Miss Dinna." She may answer your question personally or in a future column (your name will be kept anonymous). 


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