Dear Miss Dinna —
I have a problem. I'm 39 years old, female, and am ready to finally find a partner. I haven't been in a real, living together, monogamous-type of relationship for over 9 years .which is fine — but now I am really ready.
I met this guy — he's 41 — and he's amazing. He's sweet, intelligent, kind, nurturing, healthy, same interests etc. etc. and good looking and he is really into me and I can tell that if I said the word, he would be with me in a second.
Problem there is no chemistry for me with him. I don't even like the way it feels when we kiss, he's exactly my same height (short fyi), and the one time we went a bit beyond kissing, I was totally turned off.
But, I can't shake the feeling that a future with him would be so great and easy and fulfilling in all other aspects. Maybe I can learn to have chemistry with him? Help! What am I to do?!?!
Abort mission. I repeat, abort mission. This guy is basically your bff, but not a life time romantic partner.
You will always be looking for more, always be searching for that passion. You haven't even given me a hint that there may be potential here for chemistry.
I quote "totally turned off". Sexual chemistry is not everything, but it is a lot, unless sex is not that important to you .and I get a feeling it is.
It actually is the one thing that can keep a couple together even when all else fails. I even frequently prescribe it to couples when they do not feel like they are connecting or have drifted apart.
Travel with the guy, have dinner, go to movies, snuggle
.just like you do with your good friends. But do not let him, or yourself, believe he is your partner — it would be a prescription for failure.
He's out there .don't worry .don't settle in fear of never settling down.
Good luck to you!
Ask Miss Dinna a question — any question— regarding relationships, sex and sexuality by emailing her at: firstname.lastname@example.org, Subject: "Ask Miss Dinna." She may answer your question personally or in a future column (your name will be kept anonymous).