Brooklyn goes hard and, in general, we didn’t go for Trump.
With about 80 percent of the votes going for his opponent, outside of a few outlier neighborhoods (we see you Midwood), it’s pretty much a given that Kings County is not about that Trump life. I’m not trying to tell the president what to do, and I understand he is from New York, but I don’t think he needs to visit Brooklyn.
Here’s nine reasons why 45 should not set foot in Bruknahm.
#9. Rocket Man
There’s no telling when “Rocket Man” might retaliate with a personal drone attack, don’t want it to be while Trump’s on Flatbush Avenue
#8. No B-Ball Skills
His wack paper-towel jump shot is more Knicks than Nets, which is saying something since both teams will be bad… but Brooklyn will have a better team.
#7. Danger To His Digits
His tiny, doughy hands might get mistaken for a Momofuko pastry and bitten by a gentrifier
The borough doesn’t need the traffic jams! Not on the streets, bridges or parkways. And it definitely doesn’t need him on Nostrand Avenue
#5. Gang Problems
His red cap might inadvertently set off gang activity, and nobody needs that to happen!
#4. Danger From The Air
Peregrine Falcons may nest on his head, mistaking his orange hair as a “safe place” to raise kids.
#3. Rasta nah want Trump
Even if Trump decides he has a taste for some oxtail, peas and rice, ackee and salt fish, he should stay far away from the neighborhood of Flatbush. Not a good look.
He might get bum rushed by dreamers if he comes to Brooklyn, which is a sanctuary city. Trump don’t want none of that!
#1. His Russian plug doesn’t think it’s a good idea
Lots of Russians in Brooklyn, and Trump might bring too much attention by visiting the borough. The block (senate investigation) is hot enough as it is!