By Yako and Krystal

November 14, 2014, 8:12 am

 

I just finish watching Scandal and I’m sick to my stomach!! Every show now has homosexuals in it. I use to be excited to watch Teen Wolf with my nephew on Monday nights… I had to tell him that it’s no longer a show he can watch because the wolves are gay!! It’s ridiculous and disturbing to me. I don’t want or need to see that. It is a choice, a lifestyle but it does not need to be a part in every show! My opinion!”

This was posted on a popular social media platform last month. I know, stupid stuff gets posted all the time on Facebook and what have you. But this was actually done by someone I know. Someone that I had welcomed to my house.

I wonder now, what went through her head when she was at my place and I hugged my husband affectionately? Did it make her sick to her stomach? I mean, she is pretty clear in her message:  She does not want to see it.

Why did she come to my house in the first place? She knows I’m gay. I had no clue whatsoever that she harbored these kind of feelings against an entire population. If I knew beforehand, I would have told her that she was not welcome. If I found out during her visit, I would have asked her to politely leave.

I have done it before. A couple of years ago, a friend of a friend was visiting. She expressed that it disgusts her when she sees two man kissing or holding hands on the train. At first I thought she was making a joke, but she was serious! I kindly asked her to leave.

"I don't want or need to see that."

“I don’t want or need to see that.”

I’m not sure if you have experienced something similar, but let me tell you — it is really an unsafe feeling when you realize that someone had access to your private world, meanwhile having hateful feelings towards the composition of your existence. You suddenly then realize, that even in the comfort of your home, you have to deal with hate and intolerance. How would you feel, regardless of whether you sympathize with gay people or not?

It is hurtful as well and even more so because she seemed such a nice person, socializing with my friends, making jokes, and being friendly. She was merely tolerating me and it hurts like hell. She probably does not even realize the impact she has with her comments. And I actually understand, that a strict religious background will taint your opinions in ways that are not of this day and age.

One of her responses, when confronted with her post, was that she did not intend to hurt anyone and that it is just the way that she were raised. How is that a good reason? So you mean to say that it is OK to have these thoughts because your parents told you so?

Where I come from, when I was young, we used to joke about and make comments on all sorts of people: black, Jewish, gay, Belgium. Also, I was raised with Black Pete (see one of my previous columns). So according to her reasoning, I should defend that? Hell no! Some things are just simply not alright and should be fought against!

One of her later comments in the post: “People choose that lifestyle; that’s not my business. Keep it on the LOGO channel. That’s a channel that caters to the lifestyle and you have to choose to watch.” Say that again? Do you really think that someone in their right mind would choose to be gay? Knowing that there is still so much intolerance and even in some careers you are totally screwed if people find out you are gay? It truly is not a choice and people are born with their sexual orientation. Or do you mean to say that it is a psychological disorder? I hope not.

“Keep it on the LOGO channel.” What does that mean? So gay people should go back in hiding and never become part of main stream? You are talking about human beings, with real feelings of love and affection for other people who want to live their lives just like anyone else. Gay life is part of main stream already whether you like it or not.

By the way, did you know that most gay bashings and other violence against gay people are committed by men and women who have feelings for their own gender, but cannot express it? Exactly because of the fact that the communities that they belong to are not accepting of gay people?

She continues: “Most people are scared to say anything against the lifestyle in fear that they will be crucified. They are well protected these days.” I’m sorry honey, but just because of the hate you are sowing here, gay people do not feel safe at all. These type of comments do not do anything for the community other than spreading intolerance and putting us back in the middle ages.

Someone else comments: “Chileeeeeeeeee I was just thinking the same thing. I was kinda alright when will & Grace did it but this is tooooooooo graphic.” Of course, it is ok as long as we can make fun of gays and don’t have to deal with real gay feelings. I recall when this was done all over the world not so long ago with another population. Don’t you see that history is repeating itself here?

My acquaintance continues: “There people who don’t have a problem with homosexuals and feel the same way I do!” This is actually funny! So there are people who get sick to their stomach by watching two men kiss and do not have a problem with homosexuals? I think someone needs mental assistance here.

I rest my case.

Yako


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About The Author

Yako: Born on a farm in The Netherlands, Europe, I was always on quest for adventure. As a small boy, I was already interested in learning about other cultures and pretended I was fluent in American (I later learned that Americans speak English). At the age of 23, I traveled to South Africa where I lived for seven months to finalize my thesis for my master's in Business Administration. After that, I worked for eight years for a bank in Amsterdam, but I became restless and decided to quit my job and make the big leap across the ocean to New York. Studying arts and culture management at Pratt Institute helped me eradicate some of the prejudices I had of Americans. I never thought I would stay this long. But now eight years later, I'm still here. I live in Central Brooklyn and work for Bedford Stuyvesant Restoration Corporation with great satisfaction. So far, my life feels as if I’m on one big adventure. | Krystal: As a native of Michigan, I moved to New York with a limited perspective of the depth and importance of social differences. Having a passion for creativity, I accepted the various ideas behind expression and equality that poured out from this beautiful, diverse place called Brooklyn. After graduating from Pratt Institute in 2006 with a degree in Communications Design and barely surviving the effects of forced independence, I started an open relationship with the nonprofit world and began to willingly become my own person. Since then, I have been employed and freelance as a graphic designer, with tons of exposure to the things that fascinated me as a child. Living in two culturally different environments has granted me a faceted understanding of social norms and injustices that I feel compelled to speak on. Though visual art and design have been my concentrations since grade school, writing and sharing thoughts socially has been my core calling. In keeping my promise to my parents, I have finally decided to write for social impact. Standing up for my truth while seeking and discovering the truths of others is the way in which I've chosen to take that on. So far, I've discovered that the most direct route to societal improvements begins with the coupling of self-awareness and humility.

Yako: Born on a farm in The Netherlands, Europe, I was always on quest for adventure. As a small boy, I was already interested in learning about other cultures and pretended I was fluent in American (I later learned that Americans speak English). At the age of 23, I traveled to South Africa where I lived for seven months to finalize my thesis for my master's in Business Administration. After that, I worked for eight years for a bank in Amsterdam, but I became restless and decided to quit my job and make the big leap across the ocean to New York. Studying arts and culture management at Pratt Institute helped me eradicate some of the prejudices I had of Americans. I never thought I would stay this long. But now eight years later, I'm still here. I live in Central Brooklyn and work for Bedford Stuyvesant Restoration Corporation with great satisfaction. So far, my life feels as if I’m on one big adventure. | Krystal: As a native of Michigan, I moved to New York with a limited perspective of the depth and importance of social differences. Having a passion for creativity, I accepted the various ideas behind expression and equality that poured out from this beautiful, diverse place called Brooklyn. After graduating from Pratt Institute in 2006 with a degree in Communications Design and barely surviving the effects of forced independence, I started an open relationship with the nonprofit world and began to willingly become my own person. Since then, I have been employed and freelance as a graphic designer, with tons of exposure to the things that fascinated me as a child. Living in two culturally different environments has granted me a faceted understanding of social norms and injustices that I feel compelled to speak on. Though visual art and design have been my concentrations since grade school, writing and sharing thoughts socially has been my core calling. In keeping my promise to my parents, I have finally decided to write for social impact. Standing up for my truth while seeking and discovering the truths of others is the way in which I've chosen to take that on. So far, I've discovered that the most direct route to societal improvements begins with the coupling of self-awareness and humility.

6 Responses

  1. Wilma Borren

    Dear brother. Not only you are the one who got hurt here, but also I (and I am sure many loved ones around you) feel sad about this. When you spread intolerance to homosexuals, religion, skin colour etc., you create polarisation. I hope this experience doesn’t hold you back from showing your affection, because the opposite of intolerance should prevail. The medicine: Spread love. Your sister Wilma and your brother in law Frank.

    Reply
  2. brooklyn

    Warning graphic language:
    How phony of people to have such abhorrent attitudes between gay/lesbians. Considering:
    – people who openly engage in “swinger” type relationships (two men 1 woman or two women to one man) or any combination thereof.
    -women/men who engage anal sex an oral sex regularly
    -the number of men who don’t take care of their 2/4 offspring with different women (a bit off topic) but sexually related
    -men who believe expressing their disgust make them more manlier but frequents loose women
    -women who sleep around and have 2/3 different fathers of their children and are on welfare for life (a bit off topic) but sexually related – they’re having unprotected sex 3 or more people
    -people who can’t read or write/or dropped out of high school and are illegal/legal hustlers…
    who is judging who, really folks?

    Reply
  3. Kabe

    I’m feeling your pain here, Y. Thank you for speaking up and voicing your feelings and knowledge about this form of sociallying acceptable hate…a.k.a. SEVERE insecurity. The primary feeling I have about this particular topic is sadness. It’s a shame that individuals harbor this level of hate (towards themselves mainly, others as a reaction to that hate, I feel) as a norm. We have all been guilty of holding judgement in our hearts at some point in our lives, I’m sure…but awareness and making decisions to look at life through the lens of love dispels that. Thank you for contributing to a society ideally fueled by respect.

    Reply
  4. Anita Benson

    This article is so great and well said, by the way Jako is my brother in law, my oldest brother is his husband. I am so hurt to hear that a close friend which is a girl that I knew as well all this time has felt this way about my family, the part that bothers me the most is why come around people that you knew all along you had strong hatred or bad feelings towards. Therefore, she was being fake instead of being a real woman and expressing her feelings before, no she rather welcome herself into there home and pretend to be happy around them when in reality she was disgusted to her stomach. From the first moment that I thought my brother was gay, I sent him a text message stating “I have something to ask you and no matter what your answer is I will always love you for you no matter what” the answer to my question was yes I am gay and my response was okay and I am happy, I will never have nothing against gays or lesbians, I rather be around honest, free spirit, fun, down to earth gays/lesbians, than a fake woman and obviously this shows why, the woman who set in my brother and brother in law home was fake with them the whole time!!!!

    Reply
  5. Bushwick Love

    What an amazing read, it clearly shows how ignorant some people are still after all these things that we have overcome. How can one even attempt to think same sex lovers are less of value than heterosexuals, it is simply nauseating. I will continue to sit back and drink my tea, as these fools continue to make statements about same sex couples, as we continue to prosper. We run the world, and influence so many facets of people. Watch out as we are moving in the right direction and the haters can fade into darkness.. Bye Felicia lol

    Reply

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