By Richards Burroughs

February 12, 2014, 7:56 am

 

VALENTINE’S DAY INVASION

 Neither Polar Vortex, Sochi Olympics or NY Fashion Week can stop it, so it’s coming whether you like it or not and this year it coincides with the Presidents Day weekend, which means an extra day to make the magic last. But that’s assuming that you’ll be making magic at all this weekend and not making regrettable, clumsy mistakes; which begs the question: Are you ready for Valentine’s Day?

 

Are you a sucker for love

Are you a sucker for love

 I know, I know you’re still paying off the Target card for the myriad of sweaters, juicers, cutlery sets, lamps and bric a brac you showered on loved ones for Christmas, but that was so last year and besides, it’s no other upcoming holidays on the calendar that’s going to tax your bank account.

Easter isn’t til the Spring and that’s a mostly religious day which doesn’t entail much consumerism outside of those ill-fitting suits and Stacey Adam hard bottoms that kids are still paraded around in at church, while the top-secret National Beyonce Day (Bey Day), which is rumored to be slated for late March, hasn’t moved past the discussion stages with Mrs. Obama and Mrs Carter; at least that’s what my “mole” on the “inside” says (wink wink).

In an effort to reset your Valentine’s Day thinking, perhaps we should begin by clarifying it in your head. The American calendar calls Valentine’s day an observation and not a holiday, because holiday is too strong a word, like calling Beiber ’bout it or Kanye genius, though there is actual history of two Christian martyrs named Saint Valentine.

In fact, St. Valentine the martyr is celebrated in various Christian denominations on February 14th and marked with the custom of writing Valentine’s Letters to loved ones, though for the most part, it’s nothing major.

 

St. Valentine

St. Valentine

To the validation of the vast conspiracy theory camp, it actually was the greeting card companies that morphed a very minor observation marked with “love letters” and turned it into the monster we now know. Ignore it you might try, but like an ex-girlfriend at an art opening, you will definitely catch it out the corner of your eye.

Stop into Rite Aide for discount snacks, Altoids or lip balm and it’s everywhere with the store literally swathed in red candy boxes and Teddy Bears. Turn on the tele and companies are plying you with guilt, shame, pride and prestige to get you through their doors or at least calling their toll-free number to order right now.

With or without general ambivalence to February 14th, so many variables makes Valentine’s day completely difficult to navigate that it can become uncomfortable just thinking about it

EXPECTATIONS

One thing that can be completely out of whack is expectations. The chasm between two people’s Valentine’s Day expectations can be wider than an old pimps hat or even wider than the stinky Gowanus canal. It should be a two-way celebration of love & affection, yet one of the reasons that some men have ambivalence towards Valentine’s Day is that it’s been designated a day to spend money on women without reciprocity and that can leave dudes steaming. This is especially true if what a gal wants is not commensurate with either a man’s pockets or his feelings.

Just because you feel like being treated to wine and dinner at the Chef’s Table at Brooklyn Fare for Valentine’s Day, doesn’t mean that feeling is mutual.

Dinner for two at the two michelin starred restaurant on Schermerhorn Street is an easy $700 with wine and tip, so before you start making uncomfortable suggestions about high priced dinners, you should understand that not all of your suggestions will get green lighted. Not saying it should be Olive Garden either, especially since dinning at Atlantic Center has to be as anti-romantic as it gets, but don’t be a monster about it.

 

Cupid Is worn out

Cupid Is worn out

Dining is often about the experience, A candlelit diner at Locanda Vini E Olii is a real situation, because when the lights go down and the candles start to shimmer, it turns Gates Avenue into the sexiest street in Clinton Hills, which might be a bit too romantic if he doesn’t really feel that way about you. And if you’re going to eat, don’t do anything saucy.

Keep it confined to foods that stay in your mouth, cause on VDay, it’s even more important to say it and not spray it. Additionally, avoid anything creamy, cause you don’t wanna format a bubble in your guts while y’all out dropping and twerking (hashtagTeamTwerk) at that new lounge your cousin’s friend manages, nor do you want to blow up the bathroom to a degree where the manager inquires about your health.

 

Lady and The Tramp VDay Dinner...It's A Dog Life

Lady and The Tramp VDay Dinner…It’s A Dog Life

KEEP IT ONE HUNDRED

A key component to having an enjoyable Valentine’s Day is to keep things One Hundred with yourself and this is not only aimed at women but also, squarely at men. If you’re thinking of taking her out and doing something super romantic, you have to ask yourself what’s the real status of the relationship.

If you only see her inside her apartment, after the sun goes down, you might want to rethink any sort of a romantic night out in plain view, especially if the last time y’all ran into each other in public, she introduced you as her little cousin. Unless you’re actually cousins, in which case stop reading now, because my ruminations and your Hillbilly ways probably won’t see eye to eye and I can never sound more sage than advice from your uncle-boo.

Personally speaking, I’ve had a few occasions where what I thought about a relationship and what a lady thought about the very same relationship, were completely different.

It’s easy to have simple miscommunication throw everything offsides like Peyton Manning screaming Omaha at the line of scrimmage and that miscommunication can easily lead to awkward moments on any given Friday…but on Valentine’s Day it can be downright embarrassing.

Should you get candy or maybe some jewelry from Zales, that according to many reviews I read online, will fall apart before the weather warms up. Besides, are you really a fan of buying jewelry at a shopping center and more importantly, is your girl the type that likes to stunt on her friends by showing off the latest and best from shoes to bags?

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About The Author

It's variations on my name, but it's the same human. I'm Richard Chandler Burroughs, novelist (A Rendezvous With Destiny) and blogger (Uncontrollable Urges). Richard Burroughs as a marketing strategist, where I've serviced clients that include Sam Adams Beer, adidas, Coca-Cola and Moet & Hennesy. I'm Dick At Nite as a DJ, spinning magic from Bed-Stuy Bars to Boutique hotels and as an art curator, with a recently closed show at Rush Corridor Gallery. I'm anything you want to call me as long as you appreciate (and buy!) the work of the artists I present. Follow me on Twitter: @dickburroughs

It's variations on my name, but it's the same human. I'm Richard Chandler Burroughs, novelist (A Rendezvous With Destiny) and blogger (Uncontrollable Urges). Richard Burroughs as a marketing strategist, where I've serviced clients that include Sam Adams Beer, adidas, Coca-Cola and Moet & Hennesy. I'm Dick At Nite as a DJ, spinning magic from Bed-Stuy Bars to Boutique hotels and as an art curator, with a recently closed show at Rush Corridor Gallery. I'm anything you want to call me as long as you appreciate (and buy!) the work of the artists I present. Follow me on Twitter: @dickburroughs

One Response

  1. Richard Burroughs

    With all this snow, it might be more stay at home dates for Valentine’s Day!

    Reply

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