By Richards Burroughs

February 28, 2014, 10:43 am

 
And the winner is

And the winner Is

I’m not a big movie person! There, I said it and I feel no ways about it.

It’s not that I don’t like movies, because I do, but a movie is a mini-relationship and hence an investment of time and like all relationships, once you get burned a few times, you can start to become a little gun shy. A bad movie ranks high on my lists of minor bad experiences and are in the same class as:

Standing in the Meatpacking District and getting half-mooned by a string of yellow cabs in the freezing cold, while trying to get home to Brooklyn; that’s a bad experience.

Taxi_MPD_Blog_Pic

Attending a dinner party with a recent romantic interest, only to find a hardline, “no-shoes” house rule, that totally exposes the hole in your sock and a pinky toenail that resembles a fighter cock’s toughened talon; that’s a bad experience.

Having a three-bean burrito brunch come home to roost, during a walk through a bathroom-less stretch of Prospect Park is a bad experience, which can actually be upgraded to horrible if you’re wearing a pair of white jeans.

WACK MOVIES

One thing I’ve never been shy about is walking out of a movie, because I try not to be a slave to what I purchase. Biggie had a penchant for doing much “funner” things when a movie is wack, but unfortunately, I’ve got a little Howie Mandel going so the stickiness of cinema seats can gross me out; especially when receiving intimate favors.

So every year around this time, I realize that for all the hoopla of the Oscars, I have rarely watched any of the Oscar nominated films or even the films that actors/actresses have been nominated for. The press likes to refer to the Oscars as the “Superbowl for women” and although I didn’t have a dog in the fight for the last Superbowl and quite frankly, I won’t until Dallas ditches Romo, I definitely don’t have any favorite movies or roles for the 2014 Academy Awards.

With that in mind, even though I haven’t seen any of the movies other than American Hustle, I still have perceptions and notions of what the nominated movies and roles are about:

12 YEARS A SLAVE

!2 Years A Slave Movie Poster

Look at that running form

Another frickin’ slavery movie! I like seeing black people on the big screen but I don’t need to see black people being humiliated, degraded, physically and mentally abused and denied their humanity on the big screen, because I have numerous Youtube videos of out of control police officers filling that void.

I also don’t like that the actor is running in print advertising for the movie, like he’s training for the New York Marathon.

I don’t think people were just running for freedom like that. Not by simply taking off like a pitbull was nipping at the heels, because the slave owners had horses, who are far faster than humans. I’m not sure if it’s a triumphant movie, where he gets his freedom back in the end, but I do wonder if Chiwetel Ejiofor is an actual runner because he’s really giving good running form in that poster.

I have thought about going to see this movie, just because the most beautiful woman in Hollywood, Lupita Nyong’o, is in it, but I don’t want my first film starring Ms Nyong’o to be of her playing a slave.

AMERICAN HUSTLE

American Hustle Movie Poster

Made the 70s look very sexy

This is the only movie, that’s nominated in any capacity, that I’ve actually watched, so for that reason alone, I’m pretty much filling out my brackets with every nomination connected to this flick about con artists and federal agents in the 1970s New York City.

I think the movie was riveting and I really liked that regardless of how impressed I was with Jennifer Lawrence’s acting and depth of character, I was still equally impressed by her bosom and sexiness. That’s called a win-win in my book.

The only reason I’ve seen this movie is because someone I know had a screener DVD and I was able to watch the movie in the comfort of home, knowing full well that if the movie was wack, I was in position to simply cook some food, turn on ESPN or perhaps receive some intimate favors.

Bradley Cooper was really good as well, exhibiting the same drive for success and fame that’s exhibited by the criminals that he pursues and Amy Adam did a tour-deforce of the other woman who actually becomes the primary woman. Perhaps avid fans of Being Mary Jane and/or Scandal got a chance to see what it looks like when a side piece changes to a main course.

 THE WOLF OF WALL STREET

The Wolf Of Wall Street Movie Poster

Leo is the Derek Jeter of Hollywood

Americans really love movies of rogue Wall Street investors and the crazy life they lived while making a ton of illegal money. In fact, Americans love those types of movies in general, where rogue dudes make a ton of illegal money and spend it in a lavish and ridiculous manner. Americans also love Leo DiCaprio, who’s like the Derek Jeter of acting; guys want to be him and girls want to be with him, so as long as he doesn’t poop himself on screen or star in a movie with Lou Diamond Phillips, he can always be nominated.

It’s very sad how Bernie Madoff ruined lives with his investment scam, but people’s desire for entertainment is stronger than sympathy and empathy and because most folks don’t go to the symphony. I don’t know what that even means, but it sounds provocative, like making movies that glorifies drug dealers when, uh, drugs are KILLING people.  Anyways, I DJ’d a party in a strip club last weekend and imagined a fictitious scene from The Wolf Of Wall Street that involved me and two dancers. I imagined it in a hyper-cool, Oscar nominated way as well, so cheers to that film and Mr. Scorsese!

GRAVITY

Gravity Movie Poster

That’s just tooooo much space

It seems like this movie is a one-woman show because the advertisements I saw for the movie were usually Sandra Bullock floating in space or in the capsule of the ship or just being all nervous and scared to death. I don’t need to see movies about astronauts being scared to death. Why?

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About The Author

It's variations on my name, but it's the same human. I'm Richard Chandler Burroughs, novelist (A Rendezvous With Destiny) and blogger (Uncontrollable Urges). Richard Burroughs as a marketing strategist, where I've serviced clients that include Sam Adams Beer, adidas, Coca-Cola and Moet & Hennesy. I'm Dick At Nite as a DJ, spinning magic from Bed-Stuy Bars to Boutique hotels and as an art curator, with a recently closed show at Rush Corridor Gallery. I'm anything you want to call me as long as you appreciate (and buy!) the work of the artists I present. Follow me on Twitter: @dickburroughs

It's variations on my name, but it's the same human. I'm Richard Chandler Burroughs, novelist (A Rendezvous With Destiny) and blogger (Uncontrollable Urges). Richard Burroughs as a marketing strategist, where I've serviced clients that include Sam Adams Beer, adidas, Coca-Cola and Moet & Hennesy. I'm Dick At Nite as a DJ, spinning magic from Bed-Stuy Bars to Boutique hotels and as an art curator, with a recently closed show at Rush Corridor Gallery. I'm anything you want to call me as long as you appreciate (and buy!) the work of the artists I present. Follow me on Twitter: @dickburroughs

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