Dear Miss Dinna –
I’m really embarrassed to talk to any body I know about this subject, so I am here writing you. I have a girl-friend of over a year and everything is wonderful about her and us. I am totally in love her and am thinking of spending my life with her….except for one problem.
We have a pretty active sex life, and I go down on her all the time, but she almost never goes down on me. When she does, it seems like she really doesn’t enjoy it, is extremely hesitant, and her mouth is dry and uncomfortable for me. I love getting head and this is a pretty important thing for me.
The idea of spending my life with someone who will never give me head, or when they do it sucks, is scaring me and quite frankly – is making me fantasize about cheating specifically to get head. The thought is now getting kind of obsessive and I can’t stop thinking about getting head. I know it sounds stupid – but I’m afraid it’s going to break us. What should I do?
Blow or Break
Dear Blow or Break –
Not sure if it’s any consolation, but this is actually a pretty common problem for men AND women – so I wouldn’t feel so estranged by it.
Of course, different people have different associations with oral sex – meaning they can love it, take it or leave it, or hate it – all for different various reasons.
When you enter into a relationship with someone, especially one that you believe might have the potential for a lifetime partnership, it is extremely important that both partners meet each other’s sexual needs and desires as much as possible. The idea that sexual compatibility is not that important for a long-term relationship, I believe, is false, and should definitely be taken into consideration.
All this to say that is sounds like, clearly, receiving oral sex for you is VERY important….to the point where it might be a make or break for you. Your girlfriend needs to know this – she deserves to know this. Wouldn’t you want to know if there was something that was THAT important to her? Wouldn’t you do what you could, if you understood the gravity, to relieve her of distress? I believe you would.
The majority of the time, a person’s hesitation with a sexual act comes out of insecurity and inexperience. I encourage you to speak to your girlfriend and to first ask her how she feels about giving head and if she likes it. You might be surprised to find that it isn’t specifically that she doesn’t like it, but that she just feels inadequate and insecure. Perfect!
You now have the opportunity to school her. Let her know what you like. Create an atmosphere of romantic comfort for her and guide her through the process. Ask her to do the same for you when you go down on her, so that she feels that there is some equality in the process.
If you don’t think it will turn her off, bring in some porn, talk through the videos commenting on what you don’t like and what you do like etc.
I am confident that this process of open communication will actually bring the two of you much closer together, she might find that she really enjoys giving you head and finds pleasure in seeing you in such ecstasy, and in turn your fixation will probably lift.
A closed mouth does not get fed …or in this case – head 🙂
Best of Luck!
Ask Miss Dinna a question — any question– regarding relationships, sex and sexuality by emailing her at: [email protected], Subject: “Ask Miss Dinna.” She may answer your question personally or in a future column (your name will be kept anonymous).